Never Joined the Fellowship
by Yllyana
Summary: A series of drabbles featuring various anime characters joining the Fellowship of the Ring. One character for every letter of the alphabet, to be published sequentially over the month of July. Warning: Pure Crack!
1. A: Amelia wil Tesla Seyruun of Slayers

Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien, and Slayers belongs to Hajime Kanzaka. As you may have guessed, I am not one of the aforementioned people.

Author's Note: Constructive criticism is welcome. Opinions will be heard, but not necessarily acted upon. Flames will be ignored.

**A: Amelia wil Tesla Seyruun of Slayers**

"There is a fell voice on the air," Legolas spoke.

"It's Saruman!" Gandalf exclaimed.

"He's trying to bring down the mountain! Gandalf, we must turn back!" Aragorn shouted.

"No!" Gandalf rebutted, and started chanting.

"Hear me, fiend trapped in the heart of darkness!"

The entire Fellowship turned incredulously towards the new voice, to see their youngest member, Amelia wil Tesla Seyruun, standing on Legolas' shoulders as she expounded.

"So long as evil exists in this world, the wrath of justice shall strike it down!" Amelia continued dramatically.

"Is she serious?" Merry asked of the world at large.

"Against any fiend in this world or any other, my justice shall not waver!"

"Is it just me, or does she have stars in her eyes?" Pippin asked Frodo in an undertone.

"Cease this attack which is born of your evil soul!"

"What is she _doing_?" Gimli hissed at Aragorn.

"Obey me, or else feel the hammer of justice!" Amelia finished, leaping off of Legolas' shoulders…into a massive faceplant.

"Are you alright, Miss Amelia?" Sam asked worriedly.

"She always has been before," Boromir replied, rolling his eyes.

Sure enough, Amelia bounced back up…just in time to see the oncoming avalanche. As the rest of the Fellowship dove for cover, Amelia cupped her hands together and shouted, "Bomb Di Wind!" Her powerful wind spell cleared away the entire avalanche, along with all the snow on the mountain side. The Fellowship gaped.

"Let's go, Warriors of Justice!" Amelia exclaimed.


	2. B: Botan of Yu Yu Hakusho

Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien, and Yu Yu Hakusho belongs to Yoshihiro Togashi. As you may have guessed, I am not one of the aforementioned people.

Author's Note: Constructive criticism is welcome. Opinions will be heard, but not necessarily acted upon. Flames will be ignored.

**B: Botan of Yu Yu Hakusho**

"I will take the Ring," Frodo announced nervously. "Though…I do not know the way."

"Yeah, which direction exactly is this Mount Doom?" Botan interjected.

"It is two hundred leagues directly south-south-east, as the crow flies," Gandalf replied.

"No problem!" Botan declared, grabbing Frodo's arm. "Let's go, Frodo!" Producing an oar from thin air, Botan sat down on it and pulled Frodo up behind her. "See you guys in a couple hours! Hold on tight, Frodo!" Botan directed before taking flight, accelerating fast enough to create a sonic boom in the air above Rivendell.

Frodo had transitioned from fear to utter terror to blessed numbness over the course of the ride, which could be compared to the roller coaster ride from Hell. Finally, Botan jerked to a stop. "Let's see, six hundred miles in the right direction and we have a volcano surrounded by evil. Looks like we're here!" Botan announced cheerfully. She flew a quick circuit around the mountain, found a gateway, and flew in, avoiding stalactites and stalagmites by a very small margin. Frodo felt terror trying to make a comeback, and determinedly held on to his numbness—the situation was easier to deal with that way.

Botan landed on a ledge that overlooked the pool of magma. With a sense of numb disbelief, Frodo pulled the Ring from the chain around his neck and tossed it into the molten lake.

"Did it work?" Botan asked.

_**BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!**_

Taking off in a run, Botan and Frodo reached the exit of the mountain just in time to see what had to be the Tower of Barad-dur collapsing on itself into ruins.

"Now that was anti-climactic," Frodo commented.

"Hey, don't sweat it! A victory is a victory!" Botan replied cheerfully. "Come on, I want to get back in time for dinner!"

Frodo immediately found himself in his previous position of holding Botan for his life. His wail of "Not again!" mingled with the new sonic boom in the air above Mordor.


	3. C: ChiChi of Dragon Ball Z

Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien, and Dragonball Z belongs to Akira Toriyama. As you may have guessed, I am not one of the aforementioned people.

Author's Note: Constructive criticism is welcome. Opinions will be heard, but not necessarily acted upon. Flames will be ignored.

**C: Chi-Chi of Dragon Ball Z**

"You're sending little boys out to fight?" Chi-Chi asked in a deceptively calm voice.

"We need every man to defend the walls," Theoden replied impatiently.

"And you're sending the women off to hide?" Chi-Chi continued.

"Of course, it is our duty to defend those who are dependent upon us," Theoden snapped.

"He should not have said that," Legolas murmured softly to Gimli.

"Indeed not," Gimli agreed with a shudder.

CLANG!

Aragorn entered the room just in time to see Theoden's head detach itself from Chi-Chi's frying pan as he sank to the floor, unconscious.

"That had to hurt," Gimli commented with a knowing air.

"Where exactly does she conceal her…weapon?" Aragorn inquired curiously.

"I have found it to be more prudent not to ask," Legolas replied delicately.


	4. D: Duo Maxwell of Gundam Wing

Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien, and Gundam Wing belongs to Katsuyuki Sumisawa. As you may have guessed, I am not one of the aforementioned people.

Author's Note: Constructive criticism is welcome. Opinions will be heard, but not necessarily acted upon. Flames will be ignored.

**D: Duo Maxwell of Gundam Wing**

A visibly tired, dirty, and sweat streaked Duo Maxwell slipped into the spot beside Aragorn on the wall of Helms Deep just as the ranks of Uruk-hai approached shouting distance.

"Show no mercy, for you shall receive none," Aragorn instructed the nearby soldiers.

"Relax, man," Duo interrupted. "I've got this."

At this…ominous…statement, Aragorn turned and stared at Duo. "You have…'got this'?" he repeated dubiously.

"Yep," Duo replied absently, his attention fixed on the rearmost ranks of Uruk-hai. "Come on…come on…just a _little_ closer," he wheedled. At a seemingly arbitrary mark, Duo grinned maniacally and pulled out a small, metallic object. "Welcome to hell," he muttered, and pressed a button.

_**BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!**_

Aragorn's vision recovered just in time to see the rain of Uruk-hai…pieces. Small pieces.

"Ewww, grody," Duo commented. "Definitely lost points for messiness. Let's see, add points for improvised materials—and man, a world without glitter is just not right—add points for targeting and sneakiness, minus points for temporarily disabling the good guys…"

Aragorn frowned. Either he was hallucinating, or his hearing had recovered in time to listen to Duo…critique…the explosion. Aragorn sighed long-sufferingly. His knowledge of Duo Maxwell's character pointed towards the more likely option.

* * *

AN: How oddly appropriate to have explosions posted on Independence Day. Believe it or not, the timing is a total coincidence.


	5. E: Edward Elric of Fullmetal Alchemist

Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien, and Fullmetal Alchemist belongs to Hiromu Arakawa. As you may have guessed, I am not one of the aforementioned people.

Author's Note: Constructive criticism is welcome. Opinions will be heard, but not necessarily acted upon. Flames will be ignored.

**E: Edward Elric of Fullmetal Alchemist**

"What news from the North, Riders of Rohan?" Aragorn called out. Within moments, the four were surrounded by horsemen with spears pointing at them.

"What business does an Elf, a Dwarf, a man and a child have in the Riddermark? Speak quickly!" the leader commanded.

There was a beat of silence. Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli all glanced from the Rohirrim leader, to Edward Elric, and back again. They each took a step back, just as Mount Edward blew.

"Who did you call a shorty who's so small that he's barely visible and hard to target?!" Edward screeched, his arms windmilling rapidly.


	6. F: Ferio of Magic Knight Rayearth

Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien, and Magic Knight Rayearth belongs to Clamp. As you may have guessed, I am not one of the aforementioned people.

Author's Note: Constructive criticism is welcome. Opinions will be heard, but not necessarily acted upon. Flames will be ignored.

**F: Ferio of Magic Knight Rayearth**

As Legolas fought his way across the Pelennor Fields, he thought he had already accepted, if not understood, the many oddities and unusual abilities of his comrade Ferio.

There was Ferio's green hair and golden eyes, the likes of which he had not seen in any of the races of Middle Earth, throughout his long years.

There was Ferio's sword, which stood taller than he was, yet Ferio wielded it as if it were light as a feather.

There was Ferio's habit of sleeping whenever he could get away with it, and in the strangest places.

But now, just as he prepared himself to race towards an oncoming mumak, he saw Ferio leap a hundred feet straight up and cleave the beast's skull in a single blow. Legolas' jaw dropped. This feat didn't merely bend the limits of a physical body's capabilities—it shattered them into infinitesimal pieces, then chanted "nyah, nyah, nyah-nyaaah-nyah!"

"I'll take the rest of the big ones—they remind me of home!" Ferio called out before bounding off towards the rest of the mumakil.

"Come on, elf! Between him and those blasted ghosts, there won't be any orcs left for us!" Gimli shouted peevishly, as the massive crash of another mumak resounded through the battlefield.

* * *

AN: In case you didn't know, a mumak is one of those massive elephants. Mumakil is the plural.


	7. G: Gourry Gabriev of Slayers

Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien, and Slayers belongs to Hajime Kanzaka. As you may have guessed, I am not one of the aforementioned people.

Author's Note: Constructive criticism is welcome. Opinions will be heard, but not necessarily acted upon. Flames will be ignored.

**G: Gourry Gabriev of Slayers**

As the Fellowship raced down the stairs towards the exit of Moria, Boromir found himself pondering the dichotomy of his strangest comrade. While this was a worthy subject, his mind certainly had an odd sense of timing. Boromir blamed shock and adrenalin.

Gourry Gabriev was the most skilled swordsman Boromir had ever seen, himself included, and wasn't that galling to admit! And yet outside of combat, the man acted the part of a total simpleton! (Boromir had never heard the term Jellyfish Brain, but if he had, he would definitely agree on its accuracy.)

"Over the bridge! Fly!" Gandalf roared.

Upon reaching the far side, Boromir glanced around, and froze in shock.

They were facing a Balrog, and Gourry was poking the hilt of his sword with a pin. Boromir had the sudden urge to do a "facepalm", despite not knowing what it was.

"You cannot pass!" Gandalf growled, still standing on the bridge.

Boromir heard a click, and saw Gourry brandishing his empty hilt with a triumphant expression. He felt his urge to "facepalm" intensify.

"Hikari-o!" Gourry shouted.

The Fellowship watched with their collective jaws dropped as this demon of the ancient world, bane of numerous legendary First Age heroes, was cut down in a single attack by their scatterbrained comrade.


	8. H: Hibiki Ryouga of Ranma

Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien, andRanma 1/2 belongs to Rumiko Takahashi. As you may have guessed, I am not one of the aforementioned people.

Author's Note: Constructive criticism is welcome. Opinions will be heard, but not necessarily acted upon. Flames will be ignored.

**H: Hibiki Ryouga of Ranma ½**

The Fellowship advanced in single file as they climbed Caradhras. Aragorn and Boromir took turns in the lead, clearing a path for everyone else. However, by the time the snow reached waist height, the men were slowing down, so Gandalf made an executive decision. "Ryouga, take the lead!"

Ryouga looked at him in disbelief. "Are you sure, Gandalf-san?"

Gandalf had heard Ryouga's nervous, stuttering explanation of the Hibiki Sense of Direction, and seen Ryouga make sure he was always following any other Fellowship member. Still, this was a single person track on the side of a mountain, with no intersecting paths. It was _impossible_ to get lost. "Go! We need your strength clearing the path!"

Ten steps later, with shocking suddenness, the Fellowship was no longer on Caradhras. Instead they were in a forest by a river.

Aragorn looked around in shock. "This is Mirkwood!" he exclaimed.

Legolas glanced across the river and waved. "Hello, Father!" he shouted.

Before the regal elf could reply, the scenery abruptly changed again, for the Fellowship was still following Ryouga. They were now in the middle of a pastoral farmland.

"It's the Shire!" Frodo exclaimed.

"What's more, this is Farmer Cotton's farm!" Merry exclaimed.

"And there's Farmer Cotton!" Pippin exclaimed.

"Get back here, you thieving scalawags!" Farmer Cotton shouted, just as the scenery changed again. They were on a ledge overlooking a lake of magma.

"Stop!" commanded Gandalf, even as he looked around in utter disbelief.

Legolas dashed to the exit, looked around, and dashed back. "This is Mordor, without a doubt. I can see Barad-dur from here," he reported.

"You mean to tell me you walked the entire Fellowship straight to Mount Doom?" Gimli asked Ryouga incredulously. "That's some sense of direction you have there, laddie!" Ryouga scratched the back of his neck and looked sheepish.

Gandalf was slowly regaining his mental equilibrium. "Destroy the Ring, Frodo!" he urged.

Looking a little shell-shocked at this turn of events, Frodo nonetheless pulled out the Ring and dropped it in the magma. Immediately thereafter they heard a distant explosion. The Fellowship hiked to the exit Legolas had scouted, Ryouga keeping to the rear by unanimous unspoken agreement, reaching it just in time to watch Barad-dur crumble.

"My father is never going to believe this," Boromir muttered.


	9. I: Inoue Orihime of Bleach

Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien, and Bleach belongs to Tite Kubo. As you may have guessed, I am not one of the aforementioned people.

Author's Note: Constructive criticism is welcome. Opinions will be heard, but not necessarily acted upon. Flames will be ignored.

**I: Inoue Orihime of Bleach**

"Are you sure she should be cooking?" Pippin asked Sam in an undertone, watching their female comrade's flurry of activity. "I mean, she can be somewhat…odd."

"Lady Orihime insisted," Sam replied, uncomfortable with a fine lady doing servant's work.

"Ta-da!" Orihime announced, handing out plates. "Itadakimasu!"

"Is this dish from your homeland, Lady Orihime?" Aragorn inquired.

"Yes, it's okonomiyaki with red bean paste and Tabasco sauce!" Orihime replied cheerfully. "It's one of my favorite foods!"

A first bite was taken. Gandalf's eyes widened. Aragorn's expression became rather…fixed. Boromir's face screwed up. Legolas looked like elven dignity was the only thing keeping his head from exploding. Frodo coughed. Pippin gagged. Merry swallowed convulsively and gasped for air. Sam, with total concentration on maintaining politeness, chewed and swallowed normally. And Gimli…beamed?

"Lady Orihime, you cook like a dwarf! A full range of flavors in every single bite! Why, this reminds me of my last banquet at the Lonely Mountain…" Gimli praised.

"Thank you, Gimli-san!" Orihime rejoined delightedly. "I always like trying new things and mixing different flavors."

"I have never heard of this 'red bean paste', or of this 'Tabasco sauce'," Gimli mentioned thoughtfully after another bite. "Are they from your world? Where did you find them?"

"Oh, I always carry some with me!" Orihime returned brightly. "After all, you never know when you could be walking down the street and suddenly get taken by alien vampire robots from Neptune!"

Sweatdropping, the remaining eight members of the Fellowship made a solemn, unspoken pact to _**NEVER AGAIN**_ permit Inoue Orihime to cook for them.


	10. J: Jiraiya of Naruto

Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien, and Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto. As you may have guessed, I am not one of the aforementioned people.

Author's Note: Constructive criticism is welcome. Opinions will be heard, but not necessarily acted upon. Flames will be ignored.

**J: Jiraiya of Naruto**

"Die!"

"For the honor of our Lady!"

Aragorn paused, shocked by the sight of a mob of Lothlorien elves chasing his Fellowship comrade Jiraiya. He spotted Legolas among the pursuers, and quickly flagged him down.

"What is the cause of this display?" Aragorn asked Legolas.

"That foul cur Jiraiya has been found spying upon the Lady Galadriel!" Legolas replied hotly.

"That is certainly a grave offense, but surely not enough for _elves_ to form a _lynch mob_!" Aragorn returned.

"Allow me to clarify: That foul cur Jiraiya has been found spying upon the Lady Galadriel _**while she was bathing!!!**_"

Aragorn considered this new information for a split second before choosing the only sane option: He joined the lynch mob.


	11. K: Kusajishi Yachiru of Bleach

Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien, and Bleach belongs to Tite Kubo. As you may have guessed, I am not one of the aforementioned people.

Author's Note: Constructive criticism is welcome. Opinions will be heard, but not necessarily acted upon. Flames will be ignored.

**K: Kusajishi Yachiru of Bleach**

"Come forth, Saruman!" Gandalf commanded in a loud voice.

"Why must you disturb my rest?" Saruman started compellingly.

"Oooh, it's Monkey-man!" Yachiru interrupted delightedly. Before anyone could stop her, she leapt straight up to Saruman's balcony. "Thanks, Monkey-man! You're the bestest!"

Saruman looked startled. "Whatever are you thanking me for?"

"Cuz you sent so many friends to play with me! I've been really bored while I've been away from Ken-chan, and everyone's so weak it's no fun to play with them at all, but you sent lots and lots and lots and lots—"

Saruman's expression had bypassed startled and gone straight to bemused, the standard expression for anyone who spent more than thirty seconds in the company of Kusajishi Yachiru.

"—and lots and lots of playmates and I finally had some fun! So thanks, Monkey-man!" Yachiru finished, with a companionable back slap.

Which just happened to catapult Saruman through the balcony railings and down to the ground.

"Owwie," whimpered Saruman.

"…" replied the various warriors in the vicinity.

"Well, I suppose that's one way for Saruman to come down," Gandalf commented meditatively.

* * *

AN: Saru means Monkey in Japanese. Hence _Saru_man becomes Monkey-man to Yachiru.


	12. L: Lina Inverse of Slayers

Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien, and Slayers belongs to Hajime Kanzaka. As you may have guessed, I am not one of the aforementioned people.

Author's Note: Constructive criticism is welcome. Opinions will be heard, but not necessarily acted upon. Flames will be ignored.

**L: Lina Inverse of Slayers**

The Fellowship was closing in on the Bridge of Khazad-dum, Gandalf in the lead, and their other magic-user, the sorceress Lina Inverse, in the rear. Legolas glanced back, and perceived a scene of horror: Lady Lina had fallen down, and the balrog was about to step on her!

Then the most peculiar thing happened. The balrog glanced down with its foot still in midair. It got the most bizarre expression on its monstrous face, and stepped away from Lady Lina. And was that a giant sweatdrop adorning a head made of shadow and flame?

Legolas raced back with all the unearthly speed his elven heritage granted him, scooped Lady Lina up in his arms, and sprinted after the Fellowship. Lady Lina was waving her arms around and screeching. Something about a dragon spooker? But that made no sense at all.

Legolas caught up to the Fellowship just as they reached the bridge. He set Lady Lina back on her feet, and saw her face instantly transition to deadly calm as she began chanting.

"tasogare yori mo kuraki mono…chi no nagare yori akaki mono…"

Legolas crossed the bridge with the rest of the Fellowship on Gandalf's orders, but neither mage moved. And Lady Lina was still chanting.

"toki no nagare ni uzumore shi…idai na nanji no na ni oite…"

Watching in suspense, Legolas clearly saw the approaching balrog.

"ware, koko ni yami ni chikawan…warera ga mae ni tachi fusagari shi…subete no oroka naru mono ni…"

"You cannot pass!" Gandalf declared.

"ware to nanji ga chikara mote…hitoshiku horobi o ataen koto o! _**DRAGON SLAVE!!!**_" Lady Lina finished…and all hell broke loose.

Gandalf sighed. "This is meant to be a mission of stealth," he chided, surveying the crater that used to be Moria.

"Nothing embarrasses me like that and gets away with it!" Lady Lina countered in tones of eminent reasonableness.


	13. M: Mousse of Ranma

Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien, and Ranma 1/2 belongs to Rumiko Takahashi. As you may have guessed, I am not one of the aforementioned people.

Author's Note: Constructive criticism is welcome. Opinions will be heard, but not necessarily acted upon. Flames will be ignored.

**M: Mousse of Ranma ½**

The Fellowship reclined against the far wall of the Chamber of Mazarbul, observing the chaos before them. They had learned very early in the quest to stay clear of their comrade Mousse while he was fighting, for he clearly had never grasped the concept of collateral damage.

"The Blow of the Chicken Egg!" Mousse shouted. The Fellowship watched in disbelief as Mousse pulled a live chicken out of his sleeves. In rapid succession it laid a dozen eggs into Mousse's hand, which he launched at the second wave of orcs—the first wave was still trussed up in a wide variety of ropes and chains. The eggs exploded on impact, decimating the enemy.

"This is absurd," Boromir muttered darkly. "He makes a mockery of a warrior's honor!"

"What's honor got to do with anything?" Sam asked, just as the cave troll entered the room.

"Fist of the White Swan!" Mousse announced, launching a blow that seemed invisible to the Fellowship. The cave troll wasn't fazed.

"He fights with _**CHICKENS!**_" Boromir screeched.

"What's wrong with chickens?" Pippin asked ingenuously.

"There is nothing _**SANE**_ or _**RATIONAL**_ in using poultry as a weapon!" Boromir retorted.

"If it works, then who cares?" Merry asked reasonably.

"Very well, fiend! I shall honor you with my ultimate technique! Fist of the White Swan: Level 2!" Mousse called, leaping high. A moment later, the troll's head was caved in by a large, rectangular object. The object in question had a swan painted on it.

"Is that a portable outhouse?" Frodo asked weakly.

"I cannot begin to imagine how such a bizarre style of fighting could be developed," Legolas observed to Aragorn.

"Nor can I, and I intend to keep it that way," Aragorn replied firmly.


	14. N: Nara Shikamaru of Naruto

Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien, and Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto. As you may have guessed, I am not one of the aforementioned people.

Author's Note: Constructive criticism is welcome. Opinions will be heard, but not necessarily acted upon. Flames will be ignored.

**N: Nara Shikamaru of Naruto**

"I shall not risk open war," Theoden declared.

"Open war is upon you, whether you would risk it or not," Aragorn countered immediately.

"When last I looked…Theoden, not Aragorn, was king of Rohan," Theoden challenged.

"Then what is the king's decision?" Gandalf inquired with well hidden frustration.

"I shall empty the city and make for Helm's Deep," Theoden announced.

"So troublesome," Nara Shikamaru sighed from where he was reclining in the shadows.

"What's that supposed to mean, boy?" Theoden asked sharply.

Shikamaru raised his head. "Your strategy is troublesome. If you can call it that. You intend to take thousands of civilians, with minimal supplies, on foot, over seventy miles of open plains with no cover, with only a hundred mounted warriors to guard them, while your closest advisor has gone straight to your enemy to tell him exactly what you plan to do. If I were to count the ways Saruman could take advantage of this, I'd still be working on it a month from now."

Theoden's mouth opened and closed silently. Bright red spots of rage burned on his cheeks.

Shikamaru closed his eyes again. "I didn't think anything could be as troublesome as Ino…" he muttered.


	15. O: Ohara Scarlet of Wedding Peach

Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien, and Wedding Peach belongs to Nao Yazawa. As you may have guessed, I am not one of the aforementioned people.

Author's Note: Constructive criticism is welcome. Opinions will be heard, but not necessarily acted upon. Flames will be ignored.

**O: Ohara Scarlet of Wedding Peach**

"Wedding Excellent Flower!"

Aragorn glanced disinterestedly at the now familiar spectacle of his lady comrade Scarlet's clothing transforming from normal, to a mass of glowing ribbons, to a lovely gown fit for a royal ball, to the most improper outfit Aragorn had ever seen, short of total nudity.

However, a choking sound further down the Deeping Wall drew his attention to Rohan's King. Theoden was swiftly transitioning from pink, to red, to puce, in an odd coordination with Lady Scarlet's transformation sequence. Aragorn had to restrain a smirk.

Admittedly, he had reacted no better the first time he had witnessed it, in the Mines of Moria. The Lady Ohara Scarlet, as she introduced herself, had already proven herself to be an honorable lady and a steadfast warrior at that point. She was kind and poised and dignified, reminding him more of Lord Elrond or Lady Galadriel than of any of the race of men. To see her displaying her body in such a way, as if she were a woman of negotiable virtue…he had felt shocked and outraged.

The entire Fellowship had been so torn between the immediate battle, and the desire to avert their eyes from Lady Scarlet's bare legs in a futile effort to preserve her modesty, it was a miracle they had escaped with only Gandalf lost.

When the wings that came with her most immodest outfit had enabled her to save Boromir's life at Amon Hen, he had resolved to accept her differences as best he could…and to defend her honor from any slurs about her made by men who did not understand her unique circumstances.

"Lady Scarlet is from a far away land that does not have the same societal standards. She wears the uniform of a Fighter Angel, an honor rarely bestowed," Aragorn explained patiently.

Before the astounded eyes of the warriors of Rohan, Lady Scarlet spread her wings and took to the sky. "Demons of darkness, I will destroy your filthy souls! Saint Twin Sword!" she cried out.

Theoden raised an eyebrow, leveling an incredulous stare at Aragorn as Lady Scarlet dove from the sky with her swords extended, creating two long lines of decapitated Uruk-hai.


	16. P: Pansuto Taro of Ranma

Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien, and Ranma 1/2 belongs to Rumiko Takahashi. As you may have guessed, I am not one of the aforementioned people.

Author's Note: Constructive criticism is welcome. Opinions will be heard, but not necessarily acted upon. Flames will be ignored.

**P: Pansuto Taro of Ranma ½**

The Fellowship stood in the entrance of Moria, perceiving the evidence of past carnage, when Frodo shouted. They turned and saw Frodo dangling over the maw of a kraken, a large tentacle gripping his ankle. The group rushed towards it, both to rescue Frodo, and to secure the way out of Moria, which was clearly overrun with goblins and orcs.

Even as Legolas shot his first arrow and Aragorn chopped off a tentacle, the kraken's many flailing limbs sent a wave of water towards its opponents, leaving most of them wet, and one of them…changed.

With a deafening roar, a yeti riding an ox holding an eel and crane plus octopus (aka a minotaur) charged the kraken.

Legolas took this opportunity to shoot enough arrows to sever the tentacle holding Frodo. Aragorn dashed forward and caught him, and dodged back out of combat range.

Standing a safe distance away and calm now that Frodo was safe, the hobbits observed the fight. "Do you think Master Pansuto Taro will win?" Sam asked worriedly as the minotaur gripped two handfuls of tentacles and pulled them in opposite directions.

"You'd better not let him hear you calling him that," Merry warned seriously as the kraken's other tentacles tried to bind the minotaur.

"It makes me wonder what his name means," Pippin replied mischievously as the minotaur's octopus tentacles countered the kraken's attempts.

"Get further back!" Boromir shouted, staring incredulously at the hobbits calmly chatting while titans clashed in the background.

Just as the still bipedal members of the Fellowship reentered Moria to give minotaur-Taro room to fight, the two enormous creatures crashed into the wall, triggering a rock fall.

"We'll see you on the other side!" yelled the irrepressible Pippin as the falling stones blocked the entrance to Moria.


	17. Q: Quatre Winner of Gundam Wing

Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien, and Gundam Wing belongs to Katsuyuki Sumisawa. As you may have guessed, I am not one of the aforementioned people.

Author's Note: Constructive criticism is welcome. Opinions will be heard, but not necessarily acted upon. Flames will be ignored.

**Q: Quatre Winner of Gundam Wing**

Aragorn stood amongst the crowd around the Rivendell Guards' practice ring, observing one of the oddest matches he had ever seen. On the one side stood the twin sons of Elrond, looking tall and regal as befit their heritage. On the other side was a mortal child less than a score of years old, standing barely taller than a dwarf.

True, it was Quatre Winner who had proposed this challenge, to prove his own capability of joining the Fellowship. Quatre's age, his height, his slender build, his platinum hair and sky blue eyes, his gentle smile, even his pink shirt, all gave him an air of delicacy.

On the other hand, Quatre had also commissioned the Rivendell blacksmiths to create some of the oddest weapons Aragorn had ever seen: Twin swords with a deep curve that straightened at the tip. They looked very out of place in the boy's hands.

As the match began, the twins attacked Quatre, one after the other, but it was clear to Aragorn that they were holding back.

Quatre was not.

Quatre blocked one twin's sword and ducked under the other's. In a continuation of the same motion, he caught the second twin in a leg sweep, disarmed the first twin, and finished with a sword at each throat.

Gandalf was the only person in the audience who wasn't stunned. "Welcome to the Fellowship of the Ring, Quatre Winner," he said, smiling.

"Thank you, I am proud to be able to assist," Quatre replied with his trademark exquisite politeness, even as Lord Glorfindel hauled the twins away for an extended lecture on underestimating your opponent.


	18. R: Rock Lee of Naruto

Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien, and Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto. As you may have guessed, I am not one of the aforementioned people.

Author's Note: Constructive criticism is welcome. Opinions will be heard, but not necessarily acted upon. Flames will be ignored.

**R: Rock Lee of Naruto**

Aragorn pushed Legolas' bow down, feeling slightly irritated with his two hotheaded companions. They may be surrounded by a sea of Riders of Rohan, but there was no need to provoke them. Before he could attempt diplomacy, he was circumvented.

"I am Rock Lee, chuunin shinobi of Konohagakure!" Lee exclaimed enthusiastically. Everyone blinked.

Aragorn sighed, and continued, "I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn. This is Gimli, son of Gloin, and Legolas of the Woodland Realm. We are friends of Rohan and of Theoden, your king."

"Theoden no longer recognizes friend from foe. Not even his own kin," Eomer stated heavily. "Saruman has poisoned the mind of the king and claimed lordship over these lands.

"Yosh! You must discover the Power of Youth!" Rock Lee exclaimed passionately, oblivious to the strange stares he was attracting.

Eomer turned and took in the full effect of Rock Lee for the first time. Between the bowl cut, the massive eyebrows, the flaming eyes, and the outlandish apparel, the overenthusiastic ninja definitely merited a double take. Eomer was left momentarily speechless.

"We are already fanning the fires of our youth! If I cannot catch the Uruk-hai who have taken our most youthful comrades, I will run to Edoras on my hands!" Rock Lee continued his rant, entirely undeterred.


	19. S: Shihoin Yoruichi of Bleach

Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien, and Bleach belongs to Tite Kubo. As you may have guessed, I am not one of the aforementioned people.

Author's Note: Constructive criticism is welcome. Opinions will be heard, but not necessarily acted upon. Flames will be ignored.

**S: Shihoin Yoruichi of Bleach**

"The Black Gate of Mordor," Gollum hissed fearfully.

"Oh, save us," Sam whispered.

Frodo crouched among the rocks, staring at the massive, impenetrable edifice, and felt despair touch his heart.

"Problem, Frodo?" a deep voice growled.

Frodo turned, startled from his dark thoughts. "Master Yoruichi! Do you see any way past this?" he asked anxiously, hoping the wise being would at least have an idea.

The black cat regarded him unblinkingly for a long moment. "Hmm…I suppose you have managed most of it on your own, haven't you?" Yoruichi asked rhetorically. "Since I like you, kid, I'll take the last lap."

Frodo was still trying to understand this nonsensical statement when the cat began to glow, intensifying until a flash of blue light momentarily blinded him. When he could see again, he found himself hallucinating—for why else would he be seeing a beautiful naked human woman?

"Cat got your tongue, Frodo?" the hallucination asked slyly.

"But Master Yoruichi is male!" Sam protested. Which meant Sam could see her too. Which meant he wasn't hallucinating. But that made no sense!

"The deep voice threw you off, huh?" said Yoruichi…er, Lady Yoruichi. "Don't worry. A Gate like that is nothing compared to the Goddess of Flash!"

And that was how Frodo found himself slung over the shoulder of a naked woman while traversing the terrain of Mordor at eye blurring speeds.


	20. T: Tenten of Naruto

Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien, and Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto. As you may have guessed, I am not one of the aforementioned people.

Author's Note: Constructive criticism is welcome. Opinions will be heard, but not necessarily acted upon. Flames will be ignored.

**T: Tenten of Naruto**

"Legolas! Two already!" Gimli shouted over the din of battle.

"I'm on seventeen!" Legolas replied smugly.

Gimli's eyes narrowed. "I'll have no pointy-ear outscoring me!" he growled, diving back into the melee.

Legolas was shooting rapidly. "Nineteen!" he announced gleefully.

Gimli was composing a pithy rejoinder, in between ax swings, when he saw his comrade Lady Tenten pulling out the huge scroll she always kept with her. She threw it in the air over the massed ranks of the Uruk-hai army, unfurling as it went.

"_Sōryū Tensakai!"_ she called in a carrying voice.

There was a flash of white streaks, travelling from the floating scroll to the Uruk-hai army at blinding speed. It was only after the white streaks dissipated and a throng of Uruk-hai keeled over dead that Gimli could see that the streaks had been weapons.

Lady Tenten turned to Gimli and Legolas and smiled sweetly. "I believe that's nine hundred sixty two," she observed, self-satisfied.

Gimli gaped at her. Out of the corner of his eye he could see the elf mirroring him. Her eyes darted behind them, and in a lightning fast motion she drew one of her unusual knives and threw. They turned, and saw an Uruk-hai that had been sneaking up on them fall over with Lady Tenten's knife in its eye.

"Nine hundred sixty three," she corrected herself, before heading for the nearest group of Uruk-hai.

Gimli and Legolas exchanged a long glance. "Shall we never speak of this again?" the elf asked, looking faintly embarrassed.

"Agreed!" Gimli declared.


	21. U: Uzumaki Naruto of Naruto

Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien, and Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto. As you may have guessed, I am not one of the aforementioned people.

Author's Note: Constructive criticism is welcome. Opinions will be heard, but not necessarily acted upon. Flames will be ignored.

**U: Uzumaki Naruto of Naruto**

Legolas held his aim steady at his first target among the massed ranks of Uruk-hai. Any moment now the battle would be joined.

"Ten thousand orcs, huh?" Uzumaki Naruto deliberated, standing next to Legolas. "Time to even the odds."

Legolas risked a glance over and saw Naruto's face screwed up in concentration as a brilliant blue aura formed around him. A few moments later, Naruto jumped onto the battlement and roared, "_**TAIJUU KAGE BUNSHIN NO JUTSU!!!**_"

There was an enormous cloud of smoke. When it cleared, Legolas could see that every free inch of the battlefield was covered in copies of his most unpredictable teammate.

"_**CHARGE!!!**_" the original Naruto beside him commanded.


	22. V: Videl of Dragon Ball Z

Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien, and Dragon Ball Z belongs to Akira Toriyama. As you may have guessed, I am not one of the aforementioned people.

Author's Note: Constructive criticism is welcome. Opinions will be heard, but not necessarily acted upon. Flames will be ignored.

**V: Videl of Dragon Ball Z**

Despite the battle surrounding him, Legolas was keeping track of his comrade Lady Videl's simple, yet effective tactics. It was certainly a unique way of fighting, considering she had refused all weapons. But then, he had never before encountered a being that could fly like she could.

"Ka-me-ha-me-HA!" Videl called, sending an energy blast towards a knot of Uruk-hai that hadn't yet engaged any of the defenders of Helms Deep.

From what he could see in between his own combatants, Lady Videl had yet to touch the ground. She hovered high enough to avoid most arrows and to keep an eye on the overall battle. She would send her energy attacks when there was no chance of friendly fire. But when she spotted a group too near an allied fighter…

"Gimli!" Videl shouted, diving through the air at great speed.

"Ready, lass!" Gimli bellowed in return, raising his free arm.

In a move that was becoming increasingly smooth and practiced, the swiftly flying Videl picked up Gimli, barely slowing, and soared towards the beleaguered ally. As soon as she got close enough, she threw the dwarf at the cluster of Uruk-hai like a cannonball with an ax attached to it.

"'Nobody tosses a dwarf', he said," Legolas said amusedly.

"I would call that hurling a dwarf, not tossing a dwarf," Aragorn pointed out, smirking.


	23. W: Washu of Tenchi Muyo

Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien, and Tenchi Muyo belongs to Masaki Kajishima. As you may have guessed, I am not one of the aforementioned people.

Author's Note: Constructive criticism is welcome. Opinions will be heard, but not necessarily acted upon. Flames will be ignored.

**W: Washu of Tenchi Muyo**

"You have only one choice," Elrond said gravely. "The Ring must be destroyed."

"What are we waiting for?" Gimli growled before drawing his ax and striking the Ring with all his strength—only for the blade to shatter while the Ring remained unharmed.

"The Ring cannot be destroyed, Gimli, son of Gloin, by any craft we here possess," Elrond proclaimed, only to be interrupted by a cough when he tried to continue. Irritated, he turned a gimlet stare on the source of the interruption. "Yes?"

"You think the Greatest Scientific Genius in the Universe can't destroy a puny seven dimensional power sink with a malevolent artificial intelligence?" Washu demanded indignantly.

"Washu-chan's the best!" declared Puppet Washu A, popping up on her shoulder.

"If she can't do it, no one can!" agreed Puppet Washu B enthusiastically, popping up on her other shoulder.

"What? The Ring was made in the fires of Mount Doom. Only there can it be unmade," Elrond retorted.

"Pshaw," Washu said nonchalantly. "My Dimensional Cannon can destroy a galaxy with a single shot, and you think I can't simulate a volcano's heat?"

"Washu-chan's a genius!" Washu Puppet A chimed in.

"Washu-chan's the greatest!" Washu Puppet B added.

"It's not just the heat, there's the mystical resonance to factor in—" Elrond started.

"Oooh, interesting! Can I have it? Can I? There are so many, many experiments to do and so little time…" Washu pleaded cutely.

"Absolutely not!" Elrond declared, shocked.

"Please?"

"No!"

"Pretty please?"

"**No!**"

"Pretty please with sugar on top?"

"_**NO!**_ Not under _**any**_ circumstances!"

Washu pouted. "You're no fun at all."

* * *

AN: In case it's not totally obvious, all the techno-babble was completely made up.


	24. X: Xellos of Slayers

Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien, and Slayers belongs to Hajime Kanzaka. As you may have guessed, I am not one of the aforementioned people.

Author's Note: Constructive criticism is welcome. Opinions will be heard, but not necessarily acted upon. Flames will be ignored.

**X: Xellos of Slayers**

The Council of Elrond was swiftly descending into a brawl, much to said worthy's ire. Everyone was standing and shouting, Prince Legolas and Master Gimli were going at each other's throats, and even Gandalf, the sole voice of reason, was beginning to lose his temper.

Before Elrond could attempt to regain order, the mysterious priest, Xellos, walked up to the pedestal holding the Ring, an enigmatic smile on his face. Before anyone could react, Xellos picked up the Ring, raised it to his mouth, and…_**swallowed it?!**_

Utter shock paralyzed the room.

Elrond was still struggling with that first shock when a second came: He felt the dissolution of the shackles that had tied Vilya, Ring of Air and greatest of the Elven Three, to Sauron's One Ring. The lesser rings were free!

And then the third shock came with his mother in law Lady Galadriel's mental voice: _Elrond, Barad-dur has fallen! Sauron and the Nine are no more! What in Elbereth's name has happened?_

With a colossal effort, Elrond pulled himself together. "Master Xellos," he said in a quiet, shaky voice, "what have you _done?_"

Still smiling, Xellos raised one finger and replied, "That…is a secret!"

* * *

AN: Xellos is a powerful mazoku. Mazoku eat negative emotions. They also exist as mostly non-physical entities. Even when manifesting a human or humanoid form, most of their body is in the Astral Plane. When Xellos ate the Ring, it became part of his astral form, which disrupted its links to all the other rings and to its creator. I expect Xellos will be devouring the negative emotions inherent in the Ring over the next few decades…digesting, if you will. And of course, Xellos would never explain any of this himself!


	25. Y: Yamanaka Ino of Naruto

Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien, and Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto. As you may have guessed, I am not one of the aforementioned people.

Author's Note: Constructive criticism is welcome. Opinions will be heard, but not necessarily acted upon. Flames will be ignored.

**Y: Yamanaka Ino of Naruto**

Elladan and Elrohir were superb warriors. They had hunted orcs all across the North for the last five centuries straight, seeking to avenge their mother. They had mastered the healing arts under their father, Lord Elrond. They were wise, skilled, and accomplished Elven Lords.

"El-kuuu~n!" Yamanaka Ino hollered, running towards the stern of the ship.

They were scared spitless of a tiny slip of a mortal girl hunting them with hearts in her eyes. Aragorn had never seen such excellent entertainment in his _life_.

"So which one of you is 'El-kun'?" Aragorn asked with supreme amusement. His valiant brothers were crouched down and hiding behind him and the crate he was sitting on.

"Either one of us," Elladan said grimly.

"She is not picky," Elrohir confirmed.

Aragorn chortled, impervious to the indignant stares directed at him. "Arwen shall love this tale," he remarked gleefully.

"You are a cruel man, Estel," Elladan pouted.

"Your brothers are in grave danger, and you choose to laugh at us!" Elrohir concurred.

Aragorn rolled his eyes, still grinning. "She has been all over the deck and cabins. Why not go up?" he suggested, indicating the crow's nest.

Elladan and Elrohir exchanged a glance, and set out for the mast with all the stealth and care they would use to invade Mordor by themselves. It took great control for Aragorn to rein in his renewed laughter.

Shortly thereafter, Ino reappeared on deck. She took in the lack of elven twins at a glance, and headed for the nearest person.

"Gimli?" Ino asked sweetly. "Have you seen my El-kun?"

"They're up there, the crazy squirrels," Gimli grumbled, pointing at the crow's nest.

"Thanks, Gimli!" Ino replied, launching herself up the mast in two quick bounds.

The twin sons of Elrond could only gaze in horror at the approaching blonde missile, and try not to scream.


	26. Z: Zaraki Kenpachi of Bleach

Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien, and Bleach belongs to Tite Kubo. As you may have guessed, I am not one of the aforementioned people.

Author's Note: Constructive criticism is welcome. Opinions will be heard, but not necessarily acted upon. Flames will be ignored.

**Z: Zaraki Kenpachi of Bleach**

"So this is Mordor?" Zaraki Kenpachi questioned, staring at the Gates of Mordor as the Army of the West began gathering behind him.

"Yes, sir," Pippin replied nervously from where he was clinging to Zaraki's shoulder. He _still_ wasn't entirely sure how he had ended up in this position. It almost seemed like Zaraki habitually had a small person attached to him.

"Anyone worth fighting in there?" Zaraki asked. "Cause the fights so far have been really friggin' _boring._"

Personally, Pippin had never seen anything _less_ boring in his _life_ than the battle of Pelennor Fields. "Gandalf said there's hundreds of thousands of orcs and men. Plus ringwraiths, trolls, mumakil, and whatever new horrors Sauron has cooked up."

"Che! A hundred thousand weaklings is still boring," Zaraki replied dismissively. "But if there's even a chance of someone strong…" Zaraki continued, putting Pippin down, "…I'm gonna find it!"

As Pippin watched, Zaraki started glowing bright yellow, and the air grew heavy. Zaraki drew his sword and charged the Gates of Mordor, delivering a massive diagonal blow that cleaved the Gates in two. By the time the enormous structure collapsed to the ground with a deafening bang, he was already out of sight, continuing on into the heart of Mordor.

Gandalf reached Pippin's side first and pulled him up onto his horse. "That wasn't in the plan!" he said grumpily.

Aragorn heard him and chuckled. "Do you truly think Sauron's Eye is focused anywhere else? If it accomplishes our objective, who may care whether it was planned or not?" he asked reasonably.

* * *

The End

* * *


End file.
